Falling Off the Treadmill of Life

I got sick a week or so ago and had to take the whole week to rest and do nothing in order to recover. I have found that when I stop everything (usually when I'm sick) it is really hard to get moving again. I feel sluggish and have no energy, and can barely find the strength to just get through work. Last night I walked in the door and collapsed into bed. Next thing I knew, I woke up and it was around 9 PM and I was starving.

Today I decided I HAD to get to the gym to get some energy moving. When you work out your metabolism gets working again and you start making energy. Yes you have to burn energy to get more. I hopped on the exercise machine and started moving. I went at a very slow pace and it took a lot of effort to move the wheels. Each step was an arduous process but I made myself do it. Then I started moving faster and got up to a full sprint. As my speed got higher, the resistance actually got much easier. It was so easy to keep going once I was moving fast. It was the very first steps that were the toughest.

I have found it is the same way with life. I need to back off and rest sometimes or I will collapse or get really sick. But it's very hard to get moving from a standstill. I just have to power through it for a while before the momentum builds and I find myself running again.

Tallahassee, Florida

In case you didn't already know, I live in Tallahassee, Florida. I know most people always dream of leaving home and can't wait to branch out into other places, but I love my home. It's a medium sized town. It has enough people and things to do to keep everyone busy and happy. It's not big enough to be a congested concrete jungle with too many people.

The climate here is mild and relatively warm year round. It can hit the high 90's in summer, but it's very rare to see a freeze. Just last week I was out swimming in late October. The world around me is green and beautiful. Much of Tallahassee is covered in, or at least lined with trees. Even the downtown area is decorated with plants. All year round you can see things blooming. Even in the dead of winter, you can see green all over. When spring comes, the streets are lined with blossoms and flowers of every color. Sometimes you can see entire forests or fields of white, pink, or purple.

My First Bike Ride

Today I took my first ride on my new bike. It turned out to be a good workout since I had to haul it across my house and down three flights of stairs. I haven't had a good bike ride in years and I really missed it. As soon as I hopped back on I just took off and flew about a mile before I started getting tired. I had never realized how beautiful the path around my apartment complex is. It's like a jungle in parts, and I even found a tiny banana tree growing off the side of the path. I tend to forget the beauty of the world around me when I spend all my days working inside an office. I sometimes miss the days when I was an innocent kid running around through the forests around my house.

Tasting the Texture

This is a very random and probably useless observation, but I reserve the right to make such points in my blog. After all, it's tiring when you have to be serious and profound all the time. Besides, this blog is all about the randomness of life and thoughts.

So today I was eating some celery with peanut butter on it, which is delicious. I also grabbed a banana with peanut butter on it, which is also delicious. So naturally all three should taste good together right?

IT WAS REALLY WEIRD

The flavors were great and actually tasted good, but I couldn't get over the texture. The banana was soft and mushy. The peanut butter was sticky and pasty. The celery was tough and crunchy. In the end, I felt like I was eating a hard, fibrous banana. Somehow my subconscious just couldn't justify what I was eating and I still don't know what to make of it.

Stagnant

The other night I unplugged the filter in the fish tank in my room because it was making strange noises. Without the constantly flowing filtration, the water quickly grew stagnant. This morning as I walked by, it was actually starting to smell bad. I had to drop everything and change the water, then get the filter going again. It was a lot of work but I knew the fish would all die if I didn't do it.

It really reminded me how quickly life in general can go downhill if you don't constantly stay on top of it. I spent almost all weekend cleaning the house and taking care of little things that just needed to be done. I never realized how much work has to be done just to keep up with life. But if you fall behind, your whole life starts to stagnate and slip into a rut. I have to keep reminding myself of this each time I go to work out when I feel too tired to move. I know if I let myself slip, I won't ever have the energy to do anything. My work is draining enough as it is, so I have to do everything I can to keep the momentum.

Overwhelmed

Have you ever had just too much on your plate? It seems like in my life everything tends to gang up on me at once, until it just gets overwhelming. I can juggle so much at once, but sometimes it just takes one last thing to throw into the mix and it just becomes too much. I know everything will be ok and I'm not losing it. I'm just spent. I just don't have energy for anything else. I'm just shutting down for the day and shutting everyone and everything out. I'm rebooting, and tomorrow everything will be back to normal. I'll pick everything back up and keep going as if nothing ever happened.

Return to College

I went back to FSU campus tonight and had a great time hanging out with some friends who just started a class there. I went out on the field in the middle of campus and found myself asked to join a game of ultimate frisbee. I got out on the field and naturally was the team that went skins. We took our shirts off so we could easily be told apart from the other team...

And I realized how much I stuck out from the perfectly fit athletic frat guys. I've been out of college for 2 years and worked in 2 office jobs. I've packed on what could be considered a bit of chub, and it especially stood out in contrast to the other guys. To make matters worse, they were all incredibly good at frisbee. They had perfect strategies and formations, and ran all over the place without breaking a sweat. And I was winded after about 5 downs. I feel so old already and I'm only 24. Life seems to just come at us too fast. I wish I could slow down and just live in the moment, but I don't have time for that. There's too much to do.

Eating Somewhere New

So today I went to lunch and decided to try something new for food. I habitually eat at the same restaurant and at a certain point your body just gets tired of the same thing over and over. It took me about 3-4 months, but it's starting to hit me. So I decided to walk across the parking lot to Firehouse Subs.

They were PACKED. College kids lined up in a line out the door, all over the inside. The walls were all glass and it somehow made me think of a fish tank filled to the brim with people. There was something so inhuman about the look of it.

Naturally since I didn't want to spend my whole lunch break in line, I went back to the restaurant I always eat at. Maybe next time...

Shards of Time

In shattered fragments the sands of time
Slip slowly through my fingers.
In glittered stars the shards of life
Blow softly in the wind.

In hazy mist the scattered dreams
Withdraw from the horizons.
In dappled light the shadows fade
And life now takes its form.

The plans we made, the paths we take
The choices come and gone.
The journey's end is in plain sight.
Too late to turn around.