The First Chill of Fall

This weekend there was a shift in the atmosphere. I felt a change in the air over a month ago that told me Summer was ending and Fall was very near. It's strange to think I can feel that, just like the animals around me always do, but I always can just sense these changes. Today it was almost too cold to swim and there was a chill in the air. Autumn has arrived.

I feel so strange right now. The whole atmosphere of the world is changing. I want to think it's the natural balance of things, and this is just a change in seasons. But I feel deeper changes in the atmosphere. It stirs up my heart and makes me uneasy. I always feel somewhat sad when summer ends and Fall begins. Autumn is the twilight season when life begins to store up and hide away. The warmth and life of summer fades like the drifting shadows of dusk.

I like the warmth, I love the sun. I don't want to see the cold return. In so many ways I feel my life changing. I don't know how or why just yet, but I feel change in the works. It's exciting but also hard. I'm so tired as it is, worn down in every way. I don't want to think about picking up and starting over again. Life is an adventure, but sometimes it makes me wish I had a warm, peaceful rest. I don't want to wander forever. I want a home.

Return to College

I went back to FSU campus tonight and had a great time hanging out with some friends who just started a class there. I went out on the field in the middle of campus and found myself asked to join a game of ultimate frisbee. I got out on the field and naturally was the team that went skins. We took our shirts off so we could easily be told apart from the other team...

And I realized how much I stuck out from the perfectly fit athletic frat guys. I've been out of college for 2 years and worked in 2 office jobs. I've packed on what could be considered a bit of chub, and it especially stood out in contrast to the other guys. To make matters worse, they were all incredibly good at frisbee. They had perfect strategies and formations, and ran all over the place without breaking a sweat. And I was winded after about 5 downs. I feel so old already and I'm only 24. Life seems to just come at us too fast. I wish I could slow down and just live in the moment, but I don't have time for that. There's too much to do.

Stillness in the Rain

After raging storms all weekend there is now a light misty drizzle outside. The rain is light and peaceful. The light is soft. The world is quiet resting up from the storm. The rivers are calming, the puddles are drying up. The world is returning to the way it was.